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it’s not pleasant to awake
in the middle of the night
and meet your true self

when this happens
when what you fight against
remembering during the day
comes rushing into your head
with a lingering notion
that you could have done better
suddenly you know
you could not have

the course you took
the way you handled everything
is emblematic of who you are
and not a lesson to be learned

it’s how you were made
and you know this to the core

which along with
guilt pain horror
hits you with a force
that really should slay you

but in the morning
when light falls softly
through the window
and you awake to a newness
that feels like a reprieve
you give yourself
another chance
to change